The Revolution Will Not be Tweeted

I found this sorting through some old files on old external hard drives and found this. It dates from about five years ago (Keyboard cat was current and stumbleupon worth mentioning, so I would guess 2008), and predates the stealing of the title by other, minor authors. Grr. Given that, many of the references in this are already woefully and painfully out of date, if they were even in-date in the first place. I present it as a curio.

You will not be able to find a wifi hotspot
You will not be able to recieve 3G, 2G or any G
You will not be able to lose yourself in wikitumbling
Or go on an Amazon spree
Because the revolution will not be tweeted.

The revolution will not be tweeted
The revolution will not be set to the benny hill theme
Or an autotuned informercial
The revolution will not show up on your facebook wall
Or be limited to friends only
You will not read about the revolution on reddit
Because the revolution will not be tweeted

The revolution will not be part of any top 10 list
bought to you by cracked.com, or be ridiculed
By Dr. Thorpe of Something Awful.
The revolution will not have a youtube channel
The revolution will not have a blogroll
The revolution will not be played out by keyboard cat
Because the revolution will not be tweeted, d00d.

There will be no pictures of you or your cat
Captioned with bad english
On any tumblr or flickr
Corey Doctorow will not write an e-book about the revolution
The revolution will not be tweeted.

There will be no digital millenium copyright act
Takedown orders
There will be no digital millenium copyright act
Takedown orders
There will be no raids on the servers
Or letters from the Recording Industry Association of America
There will be no users, no admins,
and absolutely no moderation.

Mac versus PC, X-Box versus PS3, and anything versus
Wii will no longer be so damned relevant, and
No one will care about the doings of Piro,
Randall, Faye, Dora, the Perry Bible Fellowship
Or even Raymond Quentin Fucking Smuckles.
The revolution will not be tweeted.

There will be no content patches, beta versions, alpha versions
windows versions, mac versions or any damned versions at all.
The theme song will not be written by Lemon Demon,
Weird Al Yankovic or Gackt,
Or sung by Attack Attack!, Girugamesh, the Numa Numa guy
Tay Zonday or Bree the Crunk Pig,
The revolution will not be tweeted

The revolution will not make YOU the lucky winner of an iphone
An ipod, imac or ipad.
You will not have to worry about your service provider,
connection speed, upload limits or ping.
The revolution will not be featured on stumpleupon.
The revolution will not be monetarised with google adsense
The revolution will be user generated content.

The revolution will not be tweeted, not be tweeted,
not be tweeted, not be tweeted.
The revolution will not be virtual, d00d

The revolution will be real